Pop & Politics
When Presidency Takes Precedence over Idiocy
By Jonathan Heller 1/8/12
The Presidential Primaries every four years are to American 24-hour news channels as the High Holy Days are to Jews: they are the climaxes of each particular persuasion. As political pundits like Bill O’Reilly, Rachel Maddow and Sean Hannity continue to scream their heads off at the greatness of the presidential candidates, so too does the intrigue of Jon Stewart increase at the “high drama” of these pompous idiots actually running for president, and the ignorance of the people actually supporting them.
“I should tell my story. I’m also unemployed.” —GOP presidential candidate and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney (R), speaking in 2011 to unemployed people in Florida. Romney’s net worth is over $200 million.
Watching these new candidates makes me feel like politics in America has reached a new low in terms of intelligence, but a new high in terms of entertainment. How often will America watch someone say something stupid over watching someone say something brilliant? How many shows out there are of people that are really, really, smart? Stephen Hawking never had his own TV show, yet Kim Kardashian does. Heck, you KNOW Sarah Palin is unintelligent because she has her own television show. Therefore, the pure idiocy of these candidates has made the primaries a television program, not a race for the presidency. But what makes it depressing is that it is the race for the presidency.
“I will tell you: It’s three agencies of government, when I get there, that are gone: Commerce, Education and the — what’s the third one there? Let’s see. … OK. So Commerce, Education and the — … The third agency of government I would — I would do away with the Education, the … Commerce and — let’s see — I can’t. The third one, I can’t. Sorry. Oops.” –Rick Perry
What is even scarier is where the actual intelligent policy ideas are coming from. Mitt Romney doesn’t have a policy; he is just a liberal posing as a conservative in order to run for president, which is probably the most intelligent move that anyone has made in these primaries. Rick Santorum, a man who believes that a girl who is raped still must have her baby, is close behind Romney, and Ron Paul, a man with good ideas but is an absolute nutcase, is in third. I’m not sure which is scarier: that the top two are as bland as John Kerry eating an unsalted wheat cracker, or that the guy who has some decent ideas is also the biggest nutcase to run for president since Andrew Jackson (what’s even scarier is that Jackson WON).
“I don’t know how much God has to do to get the attention of the politicians. We’ve had an earthquake; we’ve had a hurricane. He said, ‘Are you going to start listening to me here?’ Listen to the American people because the American people are roaring right now. They know government is on a morbid obesity diet and we’ve got to rein in the spending.” —Republican presidential candidate Michele Bachmann, suggesting at a presidential campaign event in Florida that the 2011 East Coast earthquake and hurricane was a message from God.
Where are all the smart people with ideas that make sense? Certainly not running for President, that much we know.
One, Two, Three, Four, I don’t want to hear Pitbull’s Songs No-More!
By Yaron Weitzman 8/18/11
If you’ve listened to the radio anytime over the past two months, then chances are that you’ve probably heard the following: “Me not working hard?/Yeah right picture that with a kodak/Or, better yet, go to Times Square/Take a picture of me with a kodak.”
Now I’d be lying if I said that I never enjoyed this song. The truth is that, for about a month, I would turn the volume up every time Pitbull’s “Give Me Everything” came on the radio, which was about once every three minutes. But rhyming “kodak” with “kodak”… that’s Rebecca Black territory. Nevertheless, I figured I’d forgive Pitbull. “Give Me Everything” is a catchy song with a great hook from Ne-Yo, and I can forgive an artist—and I’m using that term really loosely here—for occasionally getting lazy with a rhyme or lyric. It’s happened to some of the greatest musicians of all time. (On “Snow,” a single from their 2006 Grammy nominated Stadium Arcadium, The Red Hot Chili Peppers rhymed the words “oh” with “oh.”). So what if the lyrics aren’t Dylan-esque. It’s not like I’m expecting to hear some brilliant political or social commentary when listening to Pitbull on a pop-radio station.
But then another Pitbull song came on—Enrique Iglesias’ “I like it”—and I heard something I couldn’t believe: “Come DJ. That’s my DJ/I’m a Miami boy, you know how we play/ I ain’t playing with ya, but I wanna play/What u give me got me good, now watch me.”
HE DID IT AGAIN.
Granted, because he rushes through it, this lyric from “I like it” doesn’t sound as ridiculous as the “kodak” lyric in “Give Me Everything.” But, even so, Pitbull is still rhyming a word with itself. After hearing this, I decided to go back and look at the lyrics of some of Pitbull’s past hits, and see if I could catch him for a third time. Not only did I find other “kodak” type examples (which, from here on out will be referred to as “Kodaks”), but I also realized that Pitbull might have the worst, most ridiculous, non-creative, silly lyrics of any pop star or rapper that has ever had a semi-sustained career, which, when you consider the competition, is a spectacular feat.
Pitbull’s first hit was “Culo” in 2004, which means that he’s been around for almost eight years now. How absurd is that? Imagine that it’s currently the year 2020 and Rebecca Black has just produced her newest hit single “Thursday,” and that might give you an idea. Here are some examples of what I’m talking about:
“Culo”
The lead single from Pitbull’s debut Album M.I.A.M.I—a title, which, when you think about it, probably should have tipped us off as to what kind of music Pitbull would make. He’s spelling out the name of his hometown letter by letter. However, as we eventually learn later on in “I Know You Want Me,” Pitbull is really an educator at heart who’s just trying to teach our nation’s youth. He spells. He counts. He’s like a Latino Sesame Street character.
On “Culo,” which in English means “ass,” (So for those of you keeping track, the title of Pitbull’s debut album was a word spelled out, and his debut single was titled “ass.” I honestly don’t know why anything after this would shock me.) We get introduced to Pitbull’s lyrical prowess. First the word “ass” is yelled out four times, for no seemingly good reason other than the fact that apparently, Pitbull likes rear ends. What I want to know is why did he stop there? If you’re going to randomly chant things you like, maybe add some other body parts. Or foods. If there’s no rhyme or reason, then you can yell anything you want. The options are limitless. Personally, I think just saying “ass” demonstrates a glaring lack of creativity.
Anyway, after his fourth time yelling “ass,” Pitbull explains to us how he gets girls: “Pull up to the club, walk in then I/Pull up to the bar, get drinks then I/Pull up to a broad let her know what it is/how it is, why it is, what it is. So let’s break this down. In these four lines, we get two Kodaks, which even by Pitbull’s standards, is very impressive. Then we find out that the way Pitbull gets girls is by pulling up the club, then walking in, because, you know, that’s a unique way of getting into a club that only Pitbull knows about. The next step that Pitbull takes is pulling up to the bar and getting drinks—again, really brilliant stuff here—and then finding a “broad,” which I didn’t know we still had in the 21st century. After he finds a “broad,” Pitbull shows off his journalistic integrity by letting her know the “what”, “how” and “why,” and then the “what’ again. I guess in case she missed the “what” the first time. Like I said earlier, at heart, Pitbull is really just an educator, who at this moment, is trying to teach the principles of journalism.
“Shake”
Pitbull only gets a “featuring” credit on this 2005 Ying Yang Twins hit, but that doesn’t stop him from providing a glorious contribution. After making some kind of noise that can best be described as the sound a human being makes after spitting out some sort of gross food which they were forced to eat, Pitbull goes on to say the word shake 19 times in the first 33 seconds (he must have had writers block). He then yells out “Mentirosa,” which means “female liar” four times, before yelling “Dale juevo,” which, and I’m just quoting a translation here, apparently means “give her raw sex.” Who is Pitbull talking to? I’m not exactly sure. But apparently when this girl is done shaking, Pitbull would like to have sex with her, even though she’s a liar. Later on in the song we get a triple Kodak when he raps: “Pouring it up/Rolling it up/Holding it up,” which I actually think is a record for him, and then Pitbull teaches us a new lyrical trick that he learned: He answers his own question: “Ain’t her breasts swollen or what?/Yes sir, yes sir.” At least we know that Mr. Bull has manners.
“I know You Want Me (Calle Ocho)
Unfortunately, there are no Kodaks in this song. However, we do get a lyrical tool that might even be better: Counting! And in two languages! Again, here Pitbull is just trying to be an educator, and teach everyone that, contrary to what Bono says, the number tres is actually followed by cuatro, no catorce. He’s just trying to teach the kids. That he counts to four in English and Spanish NINE FUCKING TIMES is just the teacher in him trying to do a good job.
“Hotel Room Service”
This 2009 hit shows Pitbull at his best. There’s counting. (Although the fact that he stops at four in every song makes me wonder whether Pitbull can actually count any higher.) There’s a Kodak. But my favorite part of this song is that it provides us a window into Pitbull’s brain, and we learn that he believes a person can simultaneously be in a hotel, motel and a Holiday Inn. “We at the hotel, motel, Holiday Inn!” No you’re not. That’s not possible. That’s like saying you’re at “the house, the apartment, the Trump Tower.” It doesn’t make sense. You’re either in a hotel, or a motel, or a Holiday Inn. I think Pitbull should stick to simpler things. Like counting to four.
I just pray we don’t have to hear his music anymore in the year twenty-one-four.
On Celebrity Craziness
By Ben Shafat 8/9/11
Do celebrities go crazy or are they always crazy?
With Charlie Sheen’s hilarious year-long breakdown beginning to wind down, I’ve been wondering what made him snap. What could possibly make someone with a successful career start to run across the country with a bunch of ugly “goddesses?” This almost bothered me until I realized that Charlie Sheen has probably been crazy since the day we met him.
Maybe the way we met him drove him mad, Vietnam used to do that, I’ve heard. Acting in “Platoon”, most people fell in love with the actor that portrayed the American soldier’s struggle in war, but maybe I didn’t realize the impact it would have. Maybe the people should have noticed his craziness when he shot his fiance in 1990 (he claims Kelly Preston shot herself…) or when he beat up his wife, or when he first got into trouble and ended up in drug rehab. I thought he was fine until he was let go from “Two and a Half Men” and then people became worried. Everything began coming together: his drugs, abusive lifestyle, his unstable relationships and people began to say he went nuts. But in reality, he was probably crazy to begin with.
Another example is Lindsay Lohan. People are saying that she started doing drugs three or four years ago and that is what has lead to her craziness and DUI arrests all over the place. What you need to remember is that she began doing drugs because of her dad. “When my father was going public, that’s when I hit rock bottom,” she said in a FoxNews.com article from February 2010.
People talking can drive a person mad? Only if they hear voices from dead people, but hearing it from her dad shouldn’t have caused a breakdown unless she has been having celebrity-itis since she was a child. Her dad used to beat up her mother, and instead of dealing with it or have psychological help, she did “Parent Trap.” That’s what she probably wished she could’ve done with her own parents, but they probably would have just broken out into a boxing match. The point is, she did not “go crazy” in 2006 or 2007, she has been having problems since she was a child.
Don’t worry though, Hollywood does forgive and forget with the next blockbuster hit. Robert Downey Jr. had his fair share of craziness and jail and his career seemed over. Now though, he is one of the hottest actors out there, popping into movies the way Samuel L Jackson used to…sort of. It took some time but Hollywood “let him back in,” which is exactly what Charlie Sheen is going to need Hollywood to do. I think if Sheen and Lohan want to end up like Downey Jr., being back in style, maybe they can become a couple. If they have kids, I’m sure they would turn out great. Two negatives become a positive, I’ve been told. Maybe we could have a Charlie Sheen Family Tour To Restore Sanity sometime soon.
Deals Completed On Time? Let’s Celebrate!
By Ben Shafat 8/2/11
Today the Senate voted 74-26 on the new debt deal after the House’s vote of 269-161 and people are relieved, or maybe not. Stocks closed significantly down again and it does not seem that people in the business world are as optimistic as the government is about the economy. All three major stock indexes have been slumping as of late, and some are drawing comparisons to the recession-causing disaster that occured in 2008. At least we can still go further into debt, they passed the vote.
In a way, people shouldn’t be surprised with the “on-time” vote, people should be somewhat satisfied. In reality, our government leaders have certain jobs that they are supposed do, and the fact that they actually did one of them is nice. Imagine telling your clients that you will not finish your work on time. They won’t be smiling and even if you finish on time, you won’t get a pat on the back. You just did your job. With the passing of the new debt ceiling, the world is spinning again, but not so smoothly. We now have a lot of work ahead of us to fix the economy, but now we know that our debt will not reach $25 trillion…until the next vote.
Just some clarification on the matter: The vote did not really solve anything, it just gave Congress a date for their vacation. The “deadline” was made up by the government and could have been changed at any time. It is like when you say you will fix the kitchen sink by noon, you can always push it off. Just by finishing it by your deadline, you have more free time. Same thing with our elected officials. They reached an agreement and can now go on vacation. We still owe over $14 trillion of debt to our lovely creditors.
The Debt Ceiling agreements have been covered similarly as the NFL lockout but instead of owners and players, there is the US and China, or Congress and the Senate, or Democrats and Republicans (or Tea Party members and everyone else). Additionally, the NFL began working immediately after the agreement was reached, while Congress is off to the Bahamas or to Colorado for a cooler vacation. Another joke that Congress has thrown in is that we are not even cutting much of the deficit. If we cut $1 or $2 trillion dollars over ten years…we would be cutting one or two percent of our debt problems a year. That is not much. It is like taking a flu shot once a decade – not very effective. It could work, like if the economy explodes with surprise jobs, but it is similar to playing the lotto…in China (slim odds).
All in all, I don’t think people should panic, that never really helps anything, but people should definitely not be fooled and think the job is done. We still owe a lot of money and if the world was under mob rule, like Russia, we would be in trouble. President Obama signed the deal and said that we are heading in the right direction. I am not sure what GPS he is using, but at least we have a map again. We are slowly recovering and it is a start. Let’s hope that the economy can recover despite the halfhearted government assistance and then we can look forward to a day that our debt problems are just an old memory (or nightmare).
More Lanes, Please!
By Ben Shafat 8/1/11
We need more bicycle lanes…and car lanes too.
Recent studies from the U.S. Bureau of Transportation Statistics have shown that younger Americans are more interested in healthier means of traveling, including bicycle riding, as opposed to senior citizens, who prefer car driving. I am not surprised by this at all. If you cannot afford a car, you will begin to enjoy bicycles a lot more.
Of course logic does not play a role in these studies, only nature does. Reasons given for this bicycle love include being environmentally healthy, the decrease in driving congestion (really?), and biking being physically beneficial. Those are all valid reasons but if people could afford to, they would drive. Exercise, environment, and time all play a role, but comfort generally wins out. In either case, there is a growing demand for bicycling rather than driving and there needs to be a way to accommodate bicyclists.
In many European countries, bicycle lanes have become the norm and has provided an alternative mode of travel for its citizens. America is beginning to follow the European trend. The question is, how can we do it? One option is to increase bicycle lanes.
Cyclists would be satisfied with separate lanes or even shared lanes, while drivers would obviously prefer not to have shared lanes due to the danger and responsibility of avoiding cyclists. Most bicyclists are pushing local governments to add lanes for them either in the street or on the sidewalk in order to ensure optimal safety.
Another option is to ignore the bicyclists’ claims. They will continue to complain, but in most cities it is feasible to share the road and keep the sidewalk clear without adding special lanes. If that doesn’t work, then cities could just add a sign that warns drivers that cyclists will be on the road. This probably won’t sit well with bicycle riders, but it is not the worst possibility.
The last piece of the puzzle is where to store the bicycles. After sweating through the hills or highways, you show up to work and keep your bike in the cubicle…that just won’t work. Many people are requesting more bicycle parking spots or places to chain up their bikes. That is something that depends on the city’s safety. For example, in Copenhagen, Denmark, bicycles are generally left unlocked in the open because there is a trust system and thus, there is no need for special lock options. In New York City, this system would have people grabbing bikes left and right; we just don’t follow the same honor system. Either way, there needs to be options.
My solutions:
1) Have separate lanes. There is no need to have shared cyclist and car lanes. Sharing just doesn’t work. Just look at the 100-Year war. It was due to land controversy between France and England and they were trying to share. Didn’t work. It still doesn’t.
2) To avoid accidents, bicyclists should wear helmets. I know it is not the law in most states but it is just common sense. Just about every news casts that shows cyclists shows people without helmets. It is just dangerous.
3) Have bicycle lock-up stations available in parking lots or by schools/offices. This will enable more cyclists to take advantage of the alternative route to work/school.
Stay tuned for my ideas on additional car lanes and unnecessary construction!
Amy Winehouse Is Dead, Should We Care? Essay On Celebrity Lifestyles
By Ben Shafat 7/27/11
When I heard Amy Winehouse had died, I had the same reaction as many people: sad but expected. Most celebrities have everything we wish for but aren’t happy with it. They always seem to have lots of friends, especially fake ones that use them for their money.
They have every type of food you can dream of, served whenever they want it; therefore, most celebrities develop some form of an eating disorder. They generally become famous at a young age, or at least before really receiving a full education, which makes it mind boggling that society finds it so important for them to tell us what to do, who to vote for, and how to live a happy life (which they can only portray on the big screen or in their music). Most people wish they were famous. We would all be a lot happier if we had riches. Life would be perfect…until the drugs, alcohol, and– for some– horse tranquilizers do us in.
Some celebrities take up charitable causes, which makes them feel like they have more of a purpose in this world and validates a popular celebrity theory that every single person in the world should follow what they say. Sometimes it is nice (United Way pitches) and sometimes annoying (PETA guilt ads.) At other times, celebrities are too busy with their own lives to care about the rest of the world, so they just go to just about every red carpet event because they don’t have time for anything else. You’ve got to wonder sometimes how some celebrities are still famous. What has Kate Hudson or Katie Holmes done in the last few years that they still show up to all of the events? Celebrities live a lifestyle people dream of but would dread actually living.
I am not one to point out everyone else’s negativity but when a celebrity like Amy Winehouse dies, one must wonder what they did to better the world. It is great that her music inspired some people, but what kind of example is she if she ends up dead at 27? It isn’t the 14th century, which had an approximate expected life span of 30 years. The way to tell what a person who has died is worth depends on what has been left behind. The one thing that can definitely be taken away from this, is that at least she did some good in this world. She participated in charities and at vocally supported others. It is a lesson that most celebrities can learn from. I only wish that she had spent more time helping others and less time hurting herself.
-The opinions voiced on this page are solely the opinions of the authors and do not represent the opinion of the owner of the site or its staff writers.
